


When I Close My Eyes The Stars Align And You Are By My Side Again

by orphan_account



Category: Formula 1 RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Future, Future Fic, Homophobia, Multi, Sad Ending
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-03-08
Updated: 2015-03-08
Packaged: 2018-03-16 23:52:42
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,761
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3507299
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's been seven years but only now does Amy finally come asking about how her father died. Sebastian can't make her forgive him but he can help her to understand.</p>
            </blockquote>





	When I Close My Eyes The Stars Align And You Are By My Side Again

**Author's Note:**

> Yeah i know that Amy comes across as homophobic and i'm sorry about that  
> Ratings, tags and characters will change or be added as the story continues  
> Don't worry, no one is dead in real life- this is only fiction.

Almost seven years had passed and still Sebastian sat alone. His house was a large one, chosen with a future family in mind. He’d had a family once, there’d been five of them sharing the chalet in total. Those were the days that Sebastian was most fond of; he, the love of his life, and three beautiful children trying to make their way in the world. They’d certainly done just that. 

Their oldest, Emily, was from Sebastian’s previous relationship. She’d moved out at the tender age of sixteen, wanting to live closer to her mother in Germany. Her fathers had supported her, Emily wasn’t right for the Swiss mountains. She’d grown up fast and found her place in the world of fashion, marrying and falling pregnant in her early twenties. Emily gave him is first two grandchildren. The house seemed quieter after she left, just the four of them now.

It grew quieter yet again when Robin left, going to study engineering at a university in England. He visited the most often out of any of their children, bringing the son, Marco, he’d had with his girlfriend to see his grandfathers. A small part of Sebastian suspected that Robin wanted his son to be a racing driver, much to his girlfriend’s disapproval. He’d been trying to talk Seb into buying Marco a go-kart for his birthday before the accident, seven years ago. 

The house seemed almost dead inside when Amy, the youngest, left. She ran away at the age of seventeen and, as far as Sebastian knew, was working somewhere in Portugal as a waitress. She’d been bullied a lot at school for having two fathers, neither of which were native to Switzerland. Amy blamed her parents for the abuse received at had very limited contact with the both of them. It broke their hearts. 

It was nice, for a while. Just the two of them in such a large house. They converted Emily’s room into a gym and set up a simulator in Amy’s old room. They kept the other rooms free for when any one of their children or grandchildren would pay them a visit. 

Sebastian hadn’t used the gym, or the simulator, since it happened. They were old men, why would anyone do such a thing? The world was supposed to be a more accepting place now, having the first homosexual US president and all. How could a crime like that be left to stand?

Although his veins boiled with rage, sadness and no small degree of guilt, Sebastian kept perfectly still in his chair. He’d almost mastered the art of not moving unless he had to, rarely leaving the chair. The problem with being old is that it hurts to even lift a finger, raise an eyebrow. The most simple of tasks now took Sebastian a gargantuan effort. 

He sat in his chair, close to the fireplace but still with an adequate view of the world beyond the window, with his eyes closed and his grey head resting on the cushion behind him. The entire house sat still, somewhere on the outskirts of the Swiss Alps, not another person for miles. Only the ticking on the clock on the mantelpiece and Sebastian’s slow, steady breathing disturbed the quiet. The clock had been given to the German at his wedding, a gift from his husband’s mother. It was an antique from Finland, not much value outside the wintery nation; but Sebastian valued it beyond measure, he couldn’t quite say why. It wasn’t the only link he had to his lover’s family. It wasn’t the only link he had to his lover. Next to the clock were the family’s most important photos; Sebastian’s first and last championships, a shared podium, the birth of Emily and the most recent family photo. (Not including Amy who refused to leave her life in Portugal, even for a day.) Despite the gut-wrenching ache it gave Sebastian, he still smiled every time he saw the bunch of them together. 

The German sighed to himself as he recalled almost forgotten memories, too many years passed to remember clearly. One particular memory of when he’d first came out to the media stuck in his mind, a week before he won his fifth world championship. It seemed as if most people had guessed before them, Ferrari announcing the relationship between their two drivers with ease. It’d felt as if the weight of the very world had been lifted off his shoulders. Seb smiled at the memory fondly even though there was no one in the big, empty house to see him do so. 

The man sat there, in his armchair by the window, for the majority of the day, only moving to stretch his stiff joints every so often. Although he was unmoving, eyes closed, Sebastian did not sleep. His body may have been old but his mind was still as active as ever. While being alone for the most part of seven years, Sebastian had found many internal ways to pass the time. He often took it upon himself to remember races he’d won or films he’d watched from start to end. Seb was in the middle of remembering one such race, towards the end of the 2012 season, when the doorbell went.

The sound was unexpected to say the least. Both of Sebastian’s oldest children were busy with work and studying, his husband long dead and his youngest daughter somewhere in Portugal. His eyebrows twitched as he tried to think of who might been behind the door. Could it just be a salesman? If so, Seb didn’t really need to waste the energy of opening the door and persuading someone he didn’t want to buy their product. The person knocked again. A salesman wouldn’t be this persistent surely? They normally just moved onto the next house if no one answered on the first call. This was no salesman.

Sighing, Sebastian hauled himself from the chair, his joints creaking with age. The German stood for a second, heavily leaning on the chair with his left arm. (His right shoulder had been injured and never properly healed in a sports car crash just after Sebastian had left the WEC) He took a moment to gather himself before beginning to shuffle across the room and into his kitchen where the front door was. The amount of energy the task required shocked the old man immensely, having spent most of his life with the cardio level of an Olympian. 

It seemed like almost an eternity before he reached the door; he had to stop and catch his breath for a moment before pulling it open. The hinges creaked with disuse, it’d been over a week since the door had been opened. Standing on his doorstep, leaning against the wall with a pissed off expression on her face, was Amy. 

Sebastian was in shock for a moment. She was supposed to be in Portugal. She wanted nothing to do with either of her fathers, right? Amy’s expression darkened further when Seb failed to speak.

“Are you gonna let me in or not?” She asked in a monotone so similar to her father. Her arms were crossed defensively over her body, straight blonde hair falling to just below her shoulders. Seb, still too shocked for words, moved aside to let her enter. 

She brushed past her father and into her childhood home, stopping to take a sweeping glance across the kitchen and marvel in how little it had changed. Without looking at her father, Amy strode into the living room. She stood in the centre for a moment before sitting down in the armchair next to the one Sebastian had been sitting in earlier. 

Seb felt a small pang of sadness in his gut. No one had sat in that chair for seven years. Sometimes Seb liked to pretend that his husband still occupied the seat, that nothing had ever happened. Amy motioned for him to sit. 

Still not knowing what to say, Seb stayed silent. 

“I know…” Amy began, gazing out of the window. “I know I haven’t been back since Dad died. I didn’t find out until last month. I saw Emily in a car park and she told me, said it would be good for me to come back for a while and see you. I don’t even know what happened…. Emily said he was attacked but she didn’t know much else…”

Sebastian nodded. Amy had always been much closer to Kimi than himself. 

“I haven’t seen him since I was seventeen… That’s the only thing I regret though- not seeing him before he died. It’s the only thing I would change if I was born again… I still do think it’s your fault I was bullied at school you know, I’m not going to let that go. But…. At least help me understand. Why him? Why you? Why did you have to do it? I want so badly to be normal, to have two parents who are able to fucking conceive on their own. Why did you have to deny me that? Please… help me understand.”

Seb considered her for a moment. Marrying Kimi hadn’t been a decision that either of them had taken lightly, they’d spent a long time discussing how they’d live their life and make it as normal as possible for their children- however many they chose to have. They’d obviously failed in that way.

“It wasn’t…. It wasn’t something that either of us planned… you feel attracted to someone. Not in a sexual way but like a magnet. You can’t help but be near them, they’re like a drug to you… Starting a relationship with your father wasn’t something we did lightly. We knew there’d be consequences in the media and with our children as you’ve so clearly demonstrated. I would very much like to explain how I fell in love with Kimi to you, if it would help you to understand and accept your parents… I could give you a full account of my life from the very first moment I met him… I think it would be best to start at when I joined Ferrari, in 2015. You weren’t even born, Emily and Robin were both tiny. 2015 was the year that Kimi and I became more than just friends. Again, neither of us planned it- it just…. Happened.”

Amy nodded, prompting Sebastian to tell his story. The German settled back further into his chair. He barely had the energy for this but he would do everything he could to try.


End file.
